Self-Love
A Single Girl’s Guide to Valentine’s Day Blues
By Zaina Dabbous | February 14, 2023
Self-love: 4 Reminders You Need This Valentine’s Day
“It’s cuffing season.” This phrase has been repeatedly uttered for the past four months, constantly reminding you that you haven’t found a partner.
Today, your single-ness is highlighted even more aggressively. You have not woken up to Mr. Prince Charming bringing flowers to your doorstep. There are no dinner plans at a romantic, fancy restaurant. You will not be ending the night snuggling up with your boo. While February 14th is a day of love and partnership for some, it is a time of heartache and loneliness for others.
When your best friend calls and updates you about her latest boyfriend, you try to be happy. Because you are happy for them. But, you are also hurting; you yearn for what they have. You dream of finding your person: smart, kind, funny, compassionate. You crave a connection. You crave love.
Ultimately, without a partner, Valentine’s Day feels like it has no place for you. I’m here to challenge that. Here are four reasons why you should push back against society’s pressures around love and embrace your single-ness.
1) You are single because you are not willing to settle. Remind yourself that deep down, you don’t just want anyone - a half-assed partner will not meet your standards. You are not in a relationship because you have not yet found a person who will be as invested in you as you are in them. Being alone is better than being with a person who does not give you comfort. Keep your expectations high and remember that you are seeking someone with maturity who knows your worth.
2) Relationships are hard. It is very tempting to romanticize love and be deceived by the perfect couples depicted in rom-coms. The reality is that being in a relationship requires hard work and sacrifice. Most of us are misled to believe that a partner will solve all of our issues, but in actuality, being in a relationship is an additional commitment that you would have to allocate your attention toward. Before you dream about having that Valentine, ask yourself if you are ready for the effort it requires.
3) Being single means independence, self-reliance, and therefore, undeniable growth every day. Each morning you wake up and rely on yourself to get through the day’s challenges, whether they be emotional, physical, or mental. You are constantly persevering, learning about yourself and what you need in life. As lonely as you may feel, you are still surviving and thriving alone. Be proud of everything you have achieved as an individual - it is incredibly empowering to know that you are doing well even without the emotional support of a partner. Remind yourself of your abilities, your will, and your strength.
4) You have more time for your friends and family. Although you may be single, you are still fostering imperative relationships with other valuable people in your life. You may feel alone, but you are not. You are surrounded by people who love and care for you fiercely and this is as meaningful as the love offered by a romantic partner. Don’t underestimate the significance of friendships and the support that they provide you with.
Being single means you can figure out who you are and what you want. Show up for yourself. Be kind to yourself. Remind yourself that you are enough.
This Valentine’s Day, focus on self-love. Give yourself the love you know that you deserve. I know I will be.